From a sociological perspective, I think matrifocal families can be more dynamic and effective at strengthening family bonds than traditional patriarchal families. I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that having strong women and supportive men plays a key role in creating a healthy and balanced family structure.
With curiosity—Shavesha Steele
I think I finally woke up from the fantasy I was living in.
For a long time, I romanticized a situation that was never meant to grow. I filled in the gaps with hope, convincing myself that what I was experiencing meant more than it actually did. It was easier to believe in potential than to accept reality.
But clarity arrived when I got honest with myself about what I truly want.
I want a family. I want children. I want a life built on commitment, consistency, and love that doesn’t live in the shadows. Once I admitted that, the situation I was in no longer fit the future I’m trying to build.
I was investing my time and emotions in someone who was unavailable in all the ways that mattered. Someone whose life was already full, already chosen, already settled. I was only being offered what was convenient—moments without responsibility, connection without intention.
The hardest realization wasn’t about them.
It was about me.
For a long time, I hid behind the belief that I wouldn’t find anyone better. That this was as much as I deserved. I told myself I should be grateful for the attention, even if it came with limits that slowly chipped away at my self-worth.
I confused being wanted with being valued. I let attention stand in for love because, at the time, it felt safer than believing I deserved more.
But attention without intention is not love.
And connection without direction leads nowhere.
Staying meant abandoning parts of myself—my standards, my future, my voice. Leaving meant choosing alignment over illusion. It meant letting go of what felt familiar so I could make room for what actually fits the life I want.
I’m learning that love doesn’t require secrecy or self-sacrifice. It doesn’t ask you to shrink, wait, or settle. Real love meets you fully and openly.
And I hope that one day I’ll look back and know without doubt that I was always worth more than the things I allowed myself to endure.
I can’t make him love me.
he won’t.
and i can’t.
i can’t beg
without ripping something out of myself.
every time i hope,
it hurts.
every time i try to be “enough,”
i lose a piece of me.
i can’t keep showing up
to be ignored.
can’t keep softening my voice
just to make space for his silence.
i’ve cried in rooms
he never even walked into.
screamed in silence
while he laughed somewhere else.
he doesn’t see me.
not really.
not the way i need.
and maybe he never will.
but god, i tried.
i tried to hold my breath long enough
to be what he wanted.
i tried to be small, quiet, simple.
i tried to prove
i was worth staying for.
but i can’t keep bleeding
just to keep his hands clean.
he won’t love me the way i need.
and i can’t keep pretending
that’s okay.
I know I’m fine.
I know I’m smart.
I know I turn heads
when I walk into a room.
I know the power I carry.
I know the softness too.
I know how to smile
when everything inside me is shaking.
I know how to act like nothing ever touched me.
But still…
I doubt.
I overthink.
I replay shit that already broke me
just to see if maybe it was my fault.
I wonder if I’m too much,
or not enough,
or both at the same time.
I flirt like I’m fearless.
I laugh like I’m not hurting.
I say “I know”
when they tell me I’m beautiful
but deep down I’m asking,
would you still think so
if you saw the mess I carry?
The part of me that didn’t leave,
that didn’t fight hard enough,
that stayed quiet,
that smiled
just to get it over with.
I know I didn’t deserve it.
But sometimes I still feel like I did.
Sometimes I feel hollow.
Sometimes I feel numb.
Like my body isn’t mine,
just something I keep moving
to make it through the day.
We could be a melody, full of imperfections,
Our harmonies blending in unique directions.
With each note we play, a new story is told,
Creating a symphony, beautiful and bold.
Our rhythms may clash, our tones may not match,
But together we create a perfect patchwork.
In our discord, there lies a hidden beauty,
A song of love, woven with complexity.
So let us embrace our flaws and mistakes,
For they are what make our music great.
In our imperfections, we find our connection,
A melody of love, pure and perfection.
In the garden of my soul, a delicate flower blooms,
Petals of strength and beauty, dispelling all glooms.
A treasure within, so deeply revered,
My essence, my worth, so crystal clear.
Like a precious gem, my value shines bright,
Unwavering and true, even in the darkest night.
Guarded with care, this sacred space,
My inner sanctum, my saving grace.
Just as the flower needs tender nurture and love,
I cherish myself, like the stars above.
For in valuing my essence, my true worth,
I embrace all of me, from heaven to earth.
So, honor your garden, your essence, your core,
For within you lies a treasure, forevermore.
Value yourself, as you would a precious art,
For in loving yourself, you find the purest heart.
Take the pain that lingers, let it rise, let it flow,
Through the cracks of my soul, let emotions overflow.
Some say I'm crazy, but in my truth, I'm sane,
Waiting for my moment, to break free from the chain.
If only there was a way to erase the past,
To banish the hurt, to make it the last.
So don't just watch as I fade away,
In the depths of despair, where shadows play.
Fight for me, hear my silent plea,
Every ache, every throb, sets my spirit free.
Love once felt like a dream, so far from reach,
But with you, it's real, a lesson I teach.
Break the curse, let me see your light,
Guide me through the darkness, make everything right.
Let me feel again, with just a touch, a kiss,
With you, love blooms, it's something I'd never miss.
They can't hold me now, I'm breaking free,
Your voice, a beacon, guiding me to be.
Tough on the outside, but inside, I'm soft,
You're my monster, and I'm willing to be lost.
Hold the strings, let's dance in the rain,
Love may be fragile, but it's our eternal flame.
We're shades of madness, wild and free,
You breathe life into me, you're my destiny.
The missing piece, in a puzzle so vast,
My inspiration, my love, built to last.
It may seem uncertain, but for you, I'll try,
Never too late for love, let's spread our wings and fly.
For a girl like me, with walls held so high,
Loving with my heart, not just my mind, I'll defy.
I'll fill your heart until it's bursting with me,
Until you see, until you finally believe.
It took time to realize, your love's plea,
But now, I see it, you loved me, you love me.
Dose of chevvi 